To LDR Or Not to LDR – The Pros and Cons

March 16th, 2011  |  by Veralyn Williams |  Published in Blog, Dating Chatter

As a single gal who’s trying to be opened-minded while navigating the dating field, I recently decided to go out with a guy who lives 2 hours away from me–by plane. Honestly, the decision to go visit him was an easy one–I love to travel and I really liked this guy… But after our fun weekend, we needed to decide if flying back and forth to see each other was going to be in our future.

For me, there were a few Pros and Cons to consider:

Pro: I genuinely like him! Harder to come by for me than you think. I find that I’m often rationalizing why dating someone would be a good idea–e.g. He’s driven, He’s outgoing, He’s a Christian–instead of really being interested in dating him because He’s just really-cool-peoples.

Con: Frequent flying is not fun or cheap. Though I like traveling, I hate airports and the entire flying process. And yes–a $250-$350 flight might seem like a steal for one round-trip ticket, but multiply that by several trips and it gets expensive. Who has money for all that?

Pro: I love exploring new cities! As a blogger, one of my favorite things to write about is the different treasures I find while I’m exploring a new city. And if I’m dating a guy in a city I wanted to explore at length, that means I have my own personal tour guide.

(Check out a slide show of my 2010 trips–Proof that I like to travel and that I take pictures of everything!)

Con: I feel like I’m a hostage after a fight. (Okay, disclaimer: This one may be due to minor control issues.) Every couple has arguments and, if it’s one of the big ones where you can’t stand to look at the person you’re dating afterward, you can usually just go home. But going home is harder when you’re out-of-state and you need the person you can’t stand to drive you to the airport.

Pro: The distance may be good for my lifestyle right now. As a freelancer I am constantly working–sometime three projects at a time… then you throw in my family, friend commitments, and my obsession with finishing all seasons of The Wire and I have very little time for a full-time relationship. Seeing someone out-of-state definitely means committing to clearing my schedule to see him.

Con: Hate not being able to see the person I’m dating whenever I want. As my interviewees pointed out in my latest vlog, “Long Distance Relationships: How Do They Work?”, Skype, gChat, and the many other ways people connect with each other online are great, but it’s not the same as being next to the person you are seeing. I would also miss little things like going to Sunday Brunch or seeing an impromptu movie together. Not being able to do those things would be frustrating for me.

So, what did we ultimately decide? To stay friends! Sadly, for me, the cons outweighed the pros… But how about you? Have you ever been in a long distance relationship (LDR) or considered being in one? Is there a Pro or Con I didn’t consider?

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