PIMA Chronicles #13: My Rude Awakening

September 21st, 2012  |  by Veralyn Williams |  Published in Blog, Fiction Writing

So it’s been months since my last PIMA entry and that’s because for a while there, my love life was not at all complicated. In fact things were amazing! A guy I dated in my past resurfaced, and I can honestly say he made me the happiest I’ve ever been- mostly because I now know exactly what I want. Someone considerate, kind, patient (esp with me), who knows and aspires to be like Jesus, who makes me laugh, who’s social, but who can just hang 1-on-1 with me too. Someone easy on the eyes (ie: photogenic), who has a career, loves to travel and overall someone who’s open-minded. Seems like a lot, but YES he’s all of that! (Unfortunately he’s a few other things too, but I’ll get to that.)

We re-met on February 28th. Yes- I remember the date. I was in Harlem for an event and (thankfully) I was looking very cute *SMILE*. I totally passed right by him, and he called out my name. I turned and saw this FINE man. Had no idea who he was, but (of course) I stopped anyway. He jogged my memory, and I remembered how much I was into him, on the few dates we went on, but at the time I was into my ex more. We exchanged numbers and the romance began…

We were hanging out every weekend, sometimes with weekday dates too. He’s the first guy to get me to hold hands while we walked down the street, I usually find this very corny, but with him it felt completely natural! And did I mention he is fine? Chocolaty the way I like my man, and tall… 6’2. Tallest guy I ever dated, and I must say I now know why most women have height requirements. You just feel protected.

Life was pure bliss… until the baby mama found out about me.

Now of course I knew he had kids from his past relationships. There was even a time where he had to cut out on me early one weekend to take care of a childcare emergency. He’s very hands-on with them, and that made him even more attractive to me. But he didn’t give his younger-kids-mom the memo, and I got a “girlfriend, ain’t tryina disrespect you” (Mary J’s voice) phone call.

Until this, when I would watch TV dramas or hear guys I know speak of having “Baby mama drama”, a part of me watched and listened with the “yeah whatever” face. Being the “pro-women” woman I am, I’d hear these complaints from the baby daddy and I immediately think:

What did you do to make her that way? Or what didn’t you do?… What promises to her have you broken? Ie: Did you promise her a happy family? I mean why didn’t you marry her?

But my encounter with this baby mama, showed me that on top of all those possibilities… a woman can also be bitter and ready to lash out on anyone that’s happy… because she’s unhappy with the choices she made in her life. But it took a minute for me to come to this realization.

After 2-weeks of daily phone calls and text messages and a Facebook friend request from “sister-girl”, I soon realized she wasn’t trying to save me from going down the path she did, but instead she was trying to monitor when and if he was with me. And when I pointed that out to “sister-girl”, I automatically became everything but a child of God… and we were no longer in the hook of a Mary J Bilge song… the radio dial was switched to an uncensored Hip-Hop station, and my heart went cold as the word SLUT came out of her mouth so easily.

Completely fed up and angry, I called him and asked him to “get his baby mama”… You see during those 2 weeks I’d stopped seeing him, as the drama and baggage turned me off… but this phone call was his in. He got back into my thoughts and soon back into my bed. And I thought, ok we got through that rough patch… what’s the worse that could happen now… Boy was I naive.

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    janetmock:

    My new essay explores how Beyonce’s feminist stance in pop culture helped frame my own feminist awakening:

    "I am in my 30s and was emboldened by Beyonce’s feminist stance on that stage, and can’t help but believe that that image will be equally as powerful to young people who witness that moment, whose first engagement with feminism will be that moment. Maybe, just maybe, Beyonce will serve as the bridgebetween pop culture and feminists like bell and Barbara and Audre, maybe some young woman bobbing her head to ‘Blow’ or ‘Partition’ or ‘Flawless’ will do so while reading Ain’t I A Woman? or Homegirls or Sister Outsider.”

    —FROM my new essay: My Feminist Awakening & the Influence of Beyonce’s Pop Culture Declaration



  • A friend who just graduated and going through the “I can’t find a job in my field” blues asked me for advice. I directed her to where I went for inspiration when I was going through the same thing. I still play this Will Smith video every time I doubt my purpose. Here is the full list I sent her.


  • Conversations by the pool

    Met two women from Toronto by the pool. After we exchanged pleasantries for a bit, they asked about #Ferguson— they’ve been watching news about it all week, they said. I told them about #EricGarner (they hadn’t heard about him). They informed me someone else was killed by police in St Louie last night (need to fact check that). We bonded in our frustration and helplessness as the Costa Rican sun hit our face. They said they hoped this moment was our generations civil rights movement. I agreed, then got up to get a drink.


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