When I moved to Brooklyn last year I was determined to really get to know my new community, and contribute in a real way! Right away I was directed to Brooklyn Movement Center (BMC) — a membership-led, direct-action, community organizing body based in Central Brooklyn. [Check out one of the videos Veralyn Media created with BMC!] Central Brooklyn I quickly realized covers Bed-Stuy and Crown Heights, and in both neighborhoods BMC tackles education, food justice, citizen journalism training, and most recently street harassment.

Besides being an issue that affects the community BMC servers, women being sexually harassed on the street also hits home within their doors, as 2/3rds of the organization is female. Anthonine Pierre (Community Organizer) and Marly Pierre-Louis (Communications Organizer) say they are constantly harassed on their way to and from work, and they decided they no longer wanted to remain silent about this topic.

Veralyn Media: What’s your definition of Street Harassment?

Marly Pierre-Louis: Street harassment is unsolicited comments, gestures, and actions from a male/male identified person towards a woman/woman-identified person.

Anthonine Pierre: I define street harassment as any unwanted attention a woman receives from a man because of her gender. This includes (but is not limited to) language, gestures, exposing himself, or physical intimidation, like following or touching. I think Marly and I are more or less on the same page here.

Courtesy of Metro.us | Credit: Aaron Adler

VM: How has street harassment affected your life?

Anthonine: How hasn’t it! The potential for being harassed plays a big role in how I navigate the city. When I’m getting dressed to leave my house, I consider who I’m going to be with, whether I’ll be in a car or walking/on public transportation most of the day and a whole host of things that affect how much attention I get and how I can deal with it. When I’m out and about, I stay on guard for groups of men, men that are walking too close to me, streets and corridors that are poorly lit, cars that drive really slowly — anything that signifies I could soon be in a dangerous situation.

Marly: Because I’m constantly and persistently being sexualized in the streets, because of the fact that men use street harassment as a form of *rape-testing, because I’ve been cursed out when I’ve said “no thank you” or “I’m not interested,” because I’ve been chased and followed countless times, because I don’t carry any weapons and could not fight off a man, street harassment has made me weary of all men. It makes me incredibly sad that I no longer know how to engage with men I don’t know in my community, because I cannot risk the loss of power and the feeling of dehumanization that these interactions so often lead to.

[*Read more about “rape-testing” in the 3rd paragraph here: Street Harassment of Women by Rachel B.]

VM: Sadly too many woman can relate to that feeling of dehumanization. How will BMC’s community organizing mission affect the way you guys tackle this issue?

Marly: As a membership driven organization, the participation of women in the community is critical to how our work is shaped. First and foremost we want to engage the women, here their stories, and support them in developing a vision for what a street harassment free community would look like and we can work together to achieve that vision. Secondly, we want to engage the men. We want to develop allies who can talk to other men about why street harassment hurts women and negatively impacts our community.

VM: Now BMC launched this Anti-Street Harassment Movement during International Anti-Street Harassment Week last month– tell us what the week stands for and how BMC commemorated it?

Anthonine: International Anti-Street Harassment Week is a week where women in cities around the world celebrate their resistance to street harassment! We had an intimate discussion with women about how we deal with harassment, which was a great starting point for women who want to do this work. We also had a Chalk Party in Fulton Park, where both men and women wrote messages against street harassment. Charla Harlow of the Harlow Project was also on hand to videotape women and male allies’ stories about harassment. You can view the pictures in our Facebook album.

Marly: The chalk party was a great success! We realized we have our work cut out for us in terms of engaging with men but we are excited and ready for it. We really want this to be transformative and not demonizing. We also learned that the youth may be great allies as well. Young boys got it way quicker than the grown men did.

VM: What are your goals for this campaign a year from now?

Anthonine: We’ve developed an online toolkit of resources for women and male allies. In a year, I would really love to have had some interactive and multimedia actions come out of our work this summer. I have really enjoyed dialoguing with men about this and really clarifying the problem for them. It’s not simple and it’s not black and white for a regular dude who wants to engage with a woman he sees.

VM: Now no one does community work to get rich (laughs), so tell us what motivates you both?

Marly: I do community work because I want to be a part of the change I want to see. (Holla at Gandhi!) Complaining is soo boring.

Anthonine: It’s important because people get so bogged down in this idea that the control government and politics have on our lives is static and power relationships are permanent, but they’re not. We have the power to change them, it just takes a lot of work and time to make change happen.

VM: What’s your favorite thing about Central Brooklyn?

Marly: My favorite thing about Central Brooklyn is the richness, complexities, and vibrancy of the Black culture.

Anthonine: Definitely the people. The sense of community. I love that so many people in the neighborhood know each other, are raising their kids together and are invested in it the space.

VM: Thank you ladies!

Want to get involved with the work Anthonine and Marly are doing, along with BMC’s Executive Director, Mark Winston Griffith? Well learn how you can “get down” here!

Photo credit: Antoine Kinch

Nomadness Travel Tribe is an online community where people of color come together to swap travel tips and their love for seeing the world. I joined this private facebook group a little over a year ago… well actually- I was invited in… Yes you need to be invited. And during the Tribes’ one year anniversary party, creator Evita Robinson announced 2 “NomadnessX” Trips… to Brazil and India. And only a few spots were available on each trip.

Going to Brazil has been on my bucket-list for years, so I was super excited! And on the day the trips were going up for purchase (Monday, October 8th at 3pm)– I was ready to Paypal-fight-it-out to the death! But… around 2:55pm I began to think, “Hmmm. I can go to Brazil anytime, with several friends. Who else will go with me to India?” Until that moment, India never went on my radar… but I guess it was meant to be, because when 3:00pm hit, I purchased my spot in Jaipur!

Here are 10 moments that proved to me– I made the right decision:

#1: Playing Holi in Jaipur, India with Bhati, our host and his family!

#2: Seeing one of the New 7 Wonders of the World: The Taj Mahal!

#3: The Tribe being invited into the home of a local man whose daughter had recently given birth to his first grandchild. Powerful moment!

#4: Eating authentic Indian Food! (No I didn’t get the dreaded Delhi Belly!)

#5: Attending an Easter service that was 90% in Hindu. The pastor preached about seeing our lives as a gift.

#6: Riding a rickshaw down the streets of Dehli.

#7: Riding a camel through the desert in Pushkar.

#8: Getting henna done on my hands in Delhi and on my foot in Jaipur.

#9: Letting go of my fear of snakes and hanging with a snake charmer!

#10: This goes without saying… HUGE highlight was bonding with the Tribe! [See all my pics here!] Though most of us were strangers before arriving in India- we each left with 15 bonds forged throughout this amazing experience! A few of us even paused to spend time with Olivia Pope… Nope- being in India is no reason to miss Scandal.

Jokingly I’ll say I felt like Oprah, because everyone was so happy to see me. To take pictures with me.To help me. And not all encounters were about getting money from the foreigner. In fact the  majority of the people I met were Indian tourists, from other parts of India.

In Delhi, while in line to go into the Akshardham temple, an older Indian woman tapped me on my shoulder and asked, “Are you African?” I said, “Yes.” And she said, “It is my pleasure to see you.” –I was so thrown! She was so sincere… I almost cried. In the moment I didn’t know how to respond, but in hindsight I wish I would have said something equally as touching. Or at least turned-on my reporter brain and asked her my favorite question, “Why?” What was it about me? Was I the first African she’s ever seen up close in her life? What did seeing me represent to her? But instead I simply said, “Thank you.” That’s all the moment called for… I was completely humbled.

It’s crazy because a few days before I left to fly to Delhi (I’ll admit it) I was afraid. I was getting story, after story forwarded to me, on the dangers of being a tourist in India. Especially as a woman. But as far as I know- I was never once in harm’s way. And I was completely at home.

Being able to walk through the world like I have the authority to belong in any space, is something I’ve heard Oprah or one of her spiritual guests talk about, but it’s usually something I second guess constantly.  In America I am always walking around like a “Black woman.” Noticing when I’m the only black woman in the room. And in Sierra Leone, where I was born- but left when I was a baby, I walk around feeling too American. When I visit, I constantly feel like I have to prove my Sierra Leonean-ness.

In India I could just be me. And to be as accepted as I was… that is LIFE CHANGING! Don’t you think?

While here in New York City a shapely black woman with curly hair is (almost) a dime a dozen– in India we are a rear commodity. While walking the streets of Delhi, Jaipur, Agra, and Pushkar– my picture was taken several times. Some people asked and some people snuck and just took my picture. So I started to take their pictures too…

As a person who spends most of my life either on my computer or on my phone, I have never hesitated to online date. Sure, I’ve had creeps make me feel gross after they sent an inappropriate sexual “compliment” in a message… but that’s also happened to me on the subway. Just like I take the good with the bad when dating in the real world, I’ve moved on quickly after negative experiences online. But one thing has made me pause a little while longer. It’s an MTV reality show, it’s a popular hashtag on twitter…It’s “catfish.”

The term “catfish” was made popular by a 2010 documentary, (by the same name), and it refers to any time a person lies about who they really are—from their name to where they live to what they look like—in order to forge or maintain a romantic connection (or just to maliciously deceive someone). And as I said in my latest vlog, FromManti Te’o to Catfish: Men & Online Dating, I now know too many of “catfish” horror stories to ignore how often it happens. Still, I have no intention of excluding the internet as a possible place to meet “him.”

Here’s what I’ll be doing to make sure I never meet a catfish:

1. Updating my online profile: As of right now my online dating profile is a great look at who I am, what I like to do for fun, and what I’m looking for in a guy—but I will be adding what I’m NOT looking for too. I was recently telling a guy friend how it’s a huge turn-off when men bring up sex right away, and he asked me if those exact words were in my profile. They weren’t! The conversation made me realize an online profile is basically a living document—meant to change as you have experiences that change you. Also going in: “Loved the movie Catfish, but never want that to happen to me.”

2. Going beyond the profile picture: Too often we are distracted by how FINE someone looks in their profile pictures (pleading the fifth on whether this has ever happened to me), but when you see someone you want to meet, it is so important to read his or her entire profile. Not only does this force you to think about whether this is a person you’d want in your life, but if you like what you read, you can use it for conversation fodder when you’re messaging. Bring up the fact that he said he loves soccer, or that she said she enjoys cooking. Ask follow up questions, and see if the story holds up.

3. Checking out my “friends of friends”: What better way to make sure someone is real than to ask your old classmate, co-worker, or best friend who knows him or her personally? To me this a no-brainer! Meeting someone who knows one of your Facebook friends means you have access to a co-signer (a.k.a. someone who can vouch for him or her).

P.S.—I was recently put on to an app that promises to make dating “friends of friends” more convenient. Check outHinge (or watch a video about it, just for kicks).

4. Being honest about my needs: I have always believed in meeting up with online dates right away, as in-person chemistry is very important to me. But to be honest, now-a-days I’m suffering from a little dating-fatigue and I’m finding it less of a priority in my busy life. For the first time, I can see how getting to know someone just through messages in the beginning could be very fulfilling. Sometimes all you’re looking for is an ear… someone to talk to. But once I’m ready for romance, at the very least, it’ll be time for a skype date.

What are your tips for avoiding catfish? Have you ever been lied to online? Would love to know how you handled it!

Originally posted over at Bedsider on 3/11/13.

He’s funny, supportive, God-fearing, loves me too, and being with him actually flipped my I-want-to-be-married-one-day switch to “on.” However, he comes with baggage I never anticipated when imagining my perfect guy—he has kids. And though my career goals can make room for him, I soon realized I am not interested in, nor up for the emotional and (let’s be real) financial commitment that comes with being a stepmom. (…Or any mom for that matter—hence my IUD!)

So here it is, another year, and I’m making the decision to let go and start over. Again. I feel empowered knowing that if I’m open, the universe will provide, but at the same time—if I’m being completely honest—it’s exhausting! So I will be taking things slow for a while. And at least I now know that it’s not just about “love”—falling in love is the easy part. The hard part is committing.

When it comes to my career I LOVE what I do, and I am very committed to all the challenges I will face along my way to being “Oprah.” Now, if I can find a man I’m as committed to, I think that’s when long-lasting-love and a career can co-exist—but only if there is a balance. That’s why for my latest vlog, I spoke to 3 women taking on their own work-life-balance journeys. Here’s how they’re working through things:

How was your 2012? Did you manage to have it all—success, personally and professionally?

Originally posted over at Bedsider on 12/31/12.

Not one of those 25 students said “yes” when it came to a romantic partner. But considering that approximately 1.2 million people in the U.S. are living with HIV and 1 in 5 of them don’t know their status, it’s possible that some of those partners didn’t actually know for sure. As Michael J. Kaplan of AIDS United puts it in a Huffington Post piece for World AIDS Day, “…until we tackle the pervasive problem of HIV stigma, a problem that prevents many people from getting tested for the virus and many living with HIV from getting into life-saving care, our dream of an AIDS-free generation will remain only that.” As a person who’s grown up hearing about HIV all my life, anecdotally, I believe major part of the problem is that too many people don’t see the face of HIV when they look in the mirror.

It didn’t really hit me until I read The Naked Truth: Young, Beautiful and (HIV) Positive by Marvelyn Brown, a true story about how a straight black girl from Nashville, Tennessee, contracted HIV at 19 years old. It was crazy to me just how many similarities Marvelyn and I had: she had an older boyfriend she loved, with whom she had unprotected sex… The only difference? Her boyfriend had HIV.

I firmly believe that the key to getting more people to find out their status and disclose it to their partners is to let go of the stereotypes of what someone with HIV should look like. Marvelyn is a beautiful, curvy woman who’s enjoying life and doing important work around HIV/AIDS awareness (Check out the photos on her website and see for yourself). If she wasn’t an activist, would you assume she had HIV if you saw her in the street? Probably not.

We all need to face the reality of HIV/AIDS. One way to do that is through Facing AIDS, a national campaign that lets you take action by writing how YOU are facing AIDS today and uploading a picture of yourself with your words to the Facing AIDS website. My personal favorite:

By showing the many faces affected—directly or not—by HIV/AIDS, the campaign aims to reduce stigma and promote HIV testing for World AIDS Day and beyond.

What does facing AIDS look like to you?

Originally posted over at Bedsider on 12/04/12.

With Election Day just around the corner, I’ve noticed a lot of my Facebook friends being way less tolerant about political views that differ from theirs. I’ve witnessed “un-friending” announcements and call-outs in the comments of politics-related status updates. With dating and relationships on the brain (as always), of course I found myself wondering how this political climate is affecting our love lives.

Through the interview process for my latest vlog, Is Politics a Dating Deal Breaker?, I learned that political differences can cause conflict in a relationship, but that they don’t necessarily have to be a deal breaker. Here are 3 political problems I heard about, and solutions to get past each.

Problem #1: My partner sees EVERYTHING as political—and I don’t.
You know those people who make everything into a conspiracy by the government, or who can’t get through dinner without pointing out all the ways the restaurant is not “green”? If you’re not as passionate about the same issue, this might get old really fast.

Solution: Remind your sweetie that being present and in the moment (with you!) is just as important. Interviewee K-Swift has to be reminded of this sometimes:

Problem #2: The views of our families conflict.

You can choose your mate, but you can’t choose their family—or yours, for that matter. So what do you do when grandma makes a racially insensitive statement at Thanksgiving dinner?

Solution: Pick your battles and remember there is a time and place for everything. Natasha’s take:

Problem #3: We just don’t see things the same way.
Probably the most common conflict of all: You think you’ve found the one, but every time you talk about your political beliefs, the “love” seemingly goes out the window. Sounds like an impossible situation, but does it have to be?

Solution: Decide it’s okay to agree to disagree. Or, in the words of Obama, disagree without being disagreeable. Henry, tells us how he (a conservative) and his wife (a liberal) make their relationship work:

How does politics affect your relationships (romantic or otherwise)? Could you see yourself in a “bipartisan” relationship?

Originally posted over at Bedsider on 11/01/12.